Pat

Why I now like Pat. That's not her name but I'll call her Pat. Not that I can't tell if she is male or female like the Julia Sweeney character from SNL but she has one of those names that can be both male or female depending on how one spells it. Pat works at the Post Office and has a mullet. She looks like an upstate lesbian. That is not a judgmental observation, it's more of an archetypal description.

The issue with Pat started months ago when Richie and I encountered her for the first time. We had a package we were sending to an APO address (military post office) within the United States. Pat said we had to fill out a customs form. We said that it is domestic address. Pat said that it could be a foreign address. We said but look here at the address it is domestic. Pat said that it could be foreign. We said that if the address is in Alabama how can that be foreign? Pat said that it could be foreign.  I said I could be foreign but I'm not.  She didn't get it so we filled out the customs form.

The next package was going overseas and we had the forms all filled out and ready to go. On the form we had marked that it was a gift. Pat wanted to know what kind of gift. We said that it was media. Pat wanted to know what kind of media. We said it was a DVD. Pat asked how she could be sure it was a gift. We said "Your kidding right?" Pat said "No." We said, "Because we say so?" Pat said "OK". Pat started talking about a gift she knew a man got once. It was a metal detector used to find metal in the sand. And that he went on to retire and spend his days looking for rings and jewelry in the sand. As she told us this story she made numerous mistakes with the postage on our other packages and we had to point out her mistakes as she tried to somehow cover them up by making excuses that we were confusing her with our stories. A 5 minute transaction at the Post Office ending up taking about 20 minutes and we left scratching our heads trying to figure out what the hell just happened vowing to never go to Pat again. A few days later 2 of our packages came back to us with insufficient postage.....Pat!

Since that time, we have avoided Pat every time we go to the P.O. and have watched as people walk away from her window shaking their heads. But on Saturday I took a package in to buy insurance for it. The postage was printed and already applied at home so I just needed to buy the insurance and send it off. I got to the window next to Pat and the worker there was someone I've never seen. After I told her what I needed and gave her the insurance form all filled out, she told me it was the wrong form and proceeded to charge me for the postage. I told her to look at the label, it was already paid for. She said I have to pay again because the computer told her to charge me. Pat looks over and said "What's going on?". I think oh jeez, this is it, I'm going to lose it. Pat took one look at the package and in about 30 seconds I was walking out of the Post Office with my mission complete and Pat as my new best Post Office worker. So that's why I like Pat. The moral of the story....I don't know what the moral is.