The Third.

Once upon a time (like, ten years ago), we briefly had something we'd always wanted (a dog) and something we'd never imagined (a third boyfriend).  This is the story of that (or, that is the story of this). 

(Warning: run-on sentence ahead!)  One night, not long after we'd started eating meat, which led to our bodies beginning to grow, which made us more sexually attractive to members of the same sex, which led us to end over 15 years of total monogamy because, having met as teenagers, we decided we wanted to see what sex with someone other than each other was all about before we got too old to care, we went out to The Spike, an old leather bar at 20th St. and 11th Ave (which later became an art gallery when the building was sold).  For me, it was very exciting to wear a tank top (something that had just never looked right on my formerly shoulder-less body) or dress up like soldiers and go out to a dark, sleazy smoky bar which had a back room.

It was in that crowded, sweaty, packed-like-sardines back room that we met Rafael, a dark, swarthy, sexy Spaniard with an air of quiet dominance.  It didn't take him long to push us both down to our knees and put us to work on "it" (and it was big enough for two).  It also didn't take him long to finish.  With an accent as thick as his pinga, he asked us for our phone number and we gave it to him, but we never expected to see or hear from him again. 

We were mistaken.

Rafael spent the next week calling us frequently, but there was a big difference between the things he was saying to us and what we were hearing from other guys to whom we'd given our number.  Whereas the others were contacting us for sex, he actually seemed to be courting us...to be trying to woo us and win us over and make us fall in love with him.  It was kind of funny, kind of weird and kind of exciting.  It also didn't make sense.  I mean, who pursues a couple, especially a couple who's been together such a long time?  We really wanted no part of it.  We were just looking for some fun and cheap thrills, not a love affair.

But he wore us down and eventually, we both fell for him.  We didn't fall in love, but we came pretty close.  He only lived a block away from us, so in addition to becoming his two boyfriends, we became his Sex Slaves on Demand.  He'd call and one or both of us would obediently run over.  Oh, by the way, up until this point, Duane had been a dominant top, but Rafael turned him into a submissive bottom.  (Now, he's truly versatile and likes it all.) 

Soon, he was talking of buying a house for the three of us, of putting me through law school (a fleeting idea I had at the time) and of us getting a dog.  There never was a house purchased and I'm no lawyer today, but he did go out and get the dog.  We were really annoyed that he'd not only chosen the dog by himself with no input from us, but he got it from a pet store instead of rescuing from a shelter.  However, when we saw this adorable little Chihuahua and he let us name it "Freddy" (after Little Ricky's dog "Fred" from "I Love Lucy"), we melted. 

But things started to sour.  We tried to really let Rafael into our formerly closed little world, but the language barrier made things difficult (he spoke English, but badly, and never understood our humor, even when we explained each joke and comment, which only frustrated him and exhausted us).  We even offered to never again celebrate our anniversary (October 26) and instead only celebrate the day we'd met him in the back room of the Spike (July 10).  But none of it mattered.  He continued to feel like an outsider and resentment began to grow all around.

Finally, Rafael left on a business trip and brought Freddy over to our place so we could babysit.  During that week, we finally did fall completely head over heels in love...with Freddy.

He was so tiny yet fearless, and we'd laugh hysterically as he'd prance around with one of our socks (which were bigger than him) and act like king of the castle.


 What was fascinating to us was that he instinctively reacted differently to each of us.  With Duane, he'd run around wildly and his favorite activities included standing on Duane's neck while licking his whiskers, and chewing on Duane's nipples through his T-shirt.

 With me, however, he'd curl up in my lap and fall into a deep sleep.  I guess that's the vibe we give off: a wild Ape and a cuddly Monkey.           

  Freddy stands on my thigh as he pulls on the camera strap.

That week, while we bonded with the puppy and trained him and bought him lots of toys and treats like doting new parents, we also realized that we wanted to end things with Rafael.  It just wasn't fun anymore; the novelty had worn off.  Freddy never seemed to like him, either, so the three of us weren't really looking forward to his return. 

But when Rafael came home and picked up Freddy, he had some news.  He'd also decided to break up with us.  But even though we'd come to the same decision on our own, it felt like we'd been dumped, and never having been through that before (remember, we were each other's first boyfriend), it was really rough.  We went through a few weeks of crying and depression, like a couple of schoolgirls.  The only thing that made it tolerable was that, just like with everything else, we were going through it together.  Most people who get dumped don't have that, right? 

I don't think we'll ever try the three-way-relationship thing again, but we will definitely get a dog someday.  We'd like a boxer/pit bull mutt and I want to name him "Tushyface."  Duane says there's no way he's gonna allow me to do that, but I always get my way.